


Struggles and Woe

by pokeyscorpions



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Human Gamzee, Human Karkat Vantas, Human Terezi, Humanstuck, Karezi, One Shot, Unrequited Love, daverezi - Freeform, terkar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 11:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokeyscorpions/pseuds/pokeyscorpions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat had always loved Terezi, but Terezi had only fleetingly liked him 'like that' during a brief fling they had. But she's with Dave now, and Karkat needs to move away, but he is a masochist who loves to reminisce about what could have been. </p><p>(Basically, a short fic about Karkat getting crushed again and again by 'the one that got away',  but the aforementioned saw it as a casual thing, and continues to blindly ignore his feelings for her. Perfect for the person who loves self-pitying Karkat who over-analyzes things all the time.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Struggles and Woe

It hurt to think of her wrapped all around him, cackling after each and every mellow-toned 'joke' he hurled out.

But it hurt even more to see it right in front of him.

Yes, there she was. A terribly bright red cocktail dress clung to her body, and clashing shiny black heels boosted her a few inches to his chin height. She held a plastic cup (presumably filled with beer) the same color as her dress, and her other hand was possessively around his incredibly feminine waist. They were chatting to another couple, him doing most of the talking and she doing all of the laughing. He made a gesture with his hands that caused her to loosen the grip she had, but as soon as it had ended, there her hand was again.

It made Karkat's stomach churn in an awful jealousy, mixed with nostalgia. He ripped his eyes away from the gut-wrenching scene back to the beer keg, where another acquaintance stood refilling his own cup. The beer keg seemed a bit inappropriate sitting in the middle of the living room, seeing as this was not a high school or college party, but rather a get-together of early 20 somethings that was a few miles away from any sort of schooling facility. But everyone seemed to be okay with this, since half the room seemed to have a rosy glow of intoxication etched into the flush of their skin. Nobody was shitfaced, however. So far.

"What's up, man?", said a croaky voice. Karkat realized that he had blankly been staring at Gamzee while lost in thought. The young man shook himself awake and cleared his throat. Gamzee didn't seem weirded out by his friend's odd behavior, but then again he was hardly weirded out by anything. He continued to pump more beer into his cup while he waited for Karkat to respond.

"Nothing. I just wanted a refill. Please." He held out the slightly crushed cup to Gamzee's awaiting nozzle. In a fit of immature jealously directed toward the previously mentioned couple, he had squeezed it and spilled some of his dwindling drink. Karkat would like to think that if had been holding a glass, let's say a highball, full of whiskey; he would have been able to crack it in his hands, allowing thin rivulets of the booze to flow down his hand dramatically, like in the movies. Interestingly enough, the movies hardly ever show any blood leaking as well, assuming you would be cut from shards of glass (you would, no assumption needed).

The boy realized he had zoned out again, and after becoming flustered, he reached for the cup back. Gamzee only gave him a small, calm smile and took a sip from his cup. Following suit, Karkat took the risk of drifting away in his thoughts once again to think about how much he hated beer. Especially cheep beer. It tasted like fermented piss in his mind, and swore the brewers must take leaks in each batch of beer made all around the world just for shits and giggles. Imagine being the guy who invented beer, pissing in it, giving some to your friends, and then watching them drink it and say it tasted amazing. They'd be getting smashed on your piss beer! Imagine the chuckles to be shared, given you decide to share your nasty secret ingredient. Or punches to be shared, maybe. Depends on how your friends' sense of humor is.

But anyhow, Karkat hated beer. He hated the taste of most alcoholic beverages, excluding whiskey, wine coolers, squashed strawberry alleycats which he only drank alone at the bar with no one he knew in sight, and his favorite, vodka. Oh, how Karkat loved vodka. He loved how it tasted like nothing but could set up a flame on your insides while going down. No drink on earth held a candle to dear, dear vodka. 

He sipped at the nasty lukewarm beer anyway, shoving his distaste for it to the side. Another thing he hated about beer was the lack of burn. At least wine coolers had a weird tingle to them. Beer was a weak man's drink, he decided. Gamzee nudged him for a refill, but Karkat waved it away. He only wanted a slight buzz anyway, and 2 1/2 cups was fine for that. 

"You talked to Terezi lately, Kar?" 

The shorter troll shook his head, sending untamed tufts of hair flopping about. "No, why? Are she and that douche lord finally going steady?" He contracted and retracted the cup in his hand, trying to keep it from shaking too badly. 

Gamzee clucked his tongue, an unusually sad look settled in his sleepy eyes. "Dude, they've been doing that for a few months now. When's the last time you spoke to either of them motherfuckers?" He placed his own cup onto the coffee table and stuffed his large hands into his pockets.

"A few weeks for Terezi, but we text every once in a while. For Stupid-Fucking-Sunglasses-All-The-Time, it's been since... their second date I think." Karkat looked toward the dingy carpet and scuffed his shoe along the fading fibers.

"5 months?! You haven't spoken to your best fuckin' bro in that long?" 

"Would you shut it?" Karkat's voice rose to an angry quiet-shouting, so he wouldn't be heard over the thrumming music. "He's not my best friend anyway, it's always been you and Sollux. And John, I guess. But he's always been a vain, narcissistic ass! I don't know how I've always put up with him."

Gamzee was silent for a moment. "You two got along just fine until you, her and him all hung out. They got a little too close for you, Karbro? That it?" The lanky man's tone turned into a mocking one. He always did get kind of mean when he drank.

"Fuck off man. He knew how much I liked her. And when we had been broken up for only a week, he asks her out! Without my permission!"

Gamzee chuckled, but not in a friendly way. He sloshed his drink around in his cup, choosing his words carefully. "Listen to yourself, motherfucker. You and Terezi were just friends, even when you were a thing! It's how she saw you, like a brother. You think she wanted to date her brother? You listening now, motherfucker?" His voice had risen just short of a shout, but was still concealed by the loud music. "You best open your ears. It was a motherfucking miracle she ever said yes to your pathetic pleas! She was just being nice! You need to get the motherfuck over her, you miserable little motherfucking sack!"

Karkat stood in a sort of serene shock, the alcohol flowing in his veins kept him from lashing out at Gamzee, but couldn't keep his emotions at bay. "Fuck you. I thought you were on my side." He scoffed and then chortled in disbelief at the ridiculousness of the whole conversation. "Whatever. I'm going upstairs." 

After dropping his cup, he stormed toward the stairway. Gamzee called out an apology, but it was lost among the sea of people. Karkat teemed with a sullen sort of rage and millions of thoughts screamed in his head, but he heard none. Even with his short legs, he ascended the flight of stairs quite easily, and opened the first door on the right. A semi-nude couple sat kissing on the bed, their loud sucking sounds incredibly audible. Since they had not noticed him, he left as quietly as he had came. Trying a bit further down the hall, he entered a spare guestroom, free of any couples. The stocky boy flounced onto the beige bed, laying with his hands behind his head.

He tried to let the booze in his blood lull him to sleep, but the thoughts swimming in his mind were persistent. Giving up, he sat forward again, elbows on his knees. The walls of the room were a muted teal, Terezi's favorite color. The thought of her sent a spark of pain through his heart. The boy winced, remembering how good she looked in the color, how it set off her auburn hair, and how it complimented her porcelain skin. The next thought that crossed his mind was the scent she always wore- Malachite. It was a gentle watery floral scent, mixed with sandlewood. Karkat was obsessed with it, to the point where he would inch closer to her, just to catch a whiff. She wore it everyday without fail.

The more he thought about her, the heavier his heart felt. But he couldn't stop. It was a bittersweet pain, he could feel it in the soles of his feet, in his fingertips, in his cheeks. The ache was constant, and he couldn't get enough. Karkat dug far back, into the deep recesses of his mind. He remembered meeting her in the first grade, the squealing cackle she possessed, or her abundance of dragon tees. He chuckled as he remembered the way she would beg to write on the chalkboard, or the huge box of chalk she would lug around all day just to doodle on the asphalt at recess. How she was horrible at whispering, and talking at a decent tone. Karkat realized she never quite fixed the last two, and he laughed. He kept laughing as he remembered all their silly high school discussion, and he laughed so hard he cried. Wiping away the tears, Karkat tried to remember the last time he had cried, and then remembered the last time was when Terezi had dumped him.

He then wept real, unmanly, shameful tears. Hot tears streaked down his face like it was a race to the ground. The short boy released a strangled sob, and wiped away all evidence of his crying, other than his puffy eyes. He sat still on the bed, trying to relax and slow his shaky breathing. A short knock on the door scared the shit out of him, and he jumped 3 feet high. Before he could answer, the door opened a bit, showing a sliver of light on the wooden floors.

A familiar, flushed face peered in. "Heeeeey! There you are! Gamzee said you'd be up here."

Karkat's stomach sunk. It was a semi-hammered Terezi, hair a bit mussed, cheeks reddened, and her lipstick smudged at the left corner. Her preppy drunken personality was shining through her normal witty one. She clambered to the bed, sitting a bit too close to Karkat.

She hummed a song while kicking off her heels, then turned back to Karkat. "I was getting soooo bored of Dave's stories. I had already heard them all." She giggled and wiggled her free toes, which didn't even brush the floor. "What're you doing up here anyhow? Get tired of all the small talk?" She playfully rammed his upper body with her shoulders, and he laughed softly at her sorry attempt to upset his balance. 

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." 

That left the two in silence, other than Terezi's humming. Karkat picked at a hangnail, and Terezi swung her feet. Suddenly, she stopped humming and grabbed his arm. "Ooh! Guess this song." She hummed only a few lines, and it took a few prods from Karkat to get her to continue so he could guess. He wracked his mind, and it hit him like a brick in the face.

"L-O-V-E from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days!", he shouted.

"Correct!" She cheered. "Do you know why I chose that?"

"Because I watch romcoms all the fucking time?" Karkat tried.

"No... That's how long we dated! 10 days!" She laughed and fell back on the bed, content with her joke. Karkat did not join in. He sat still, afraid to breath and risk releasing another torrent of tears. He knew she would never bring it up sober, in fact, she danced around the whole topic like it was a bed of hot coals. It hit him sort of like a shot to the gut, it was quick but left him breathless. 

Terezi noticed his odd silence and slapped her cheek with an open palm. "Shit! I'm sorry Karkat." She gave him a hug by draping herself around his shoulders in a loose fashion. H shrugged and she released him, patting his back briefly. He shifted awkwardly, and then realized her usual perfume was absent. Now she smelled citrus-y and spicy. He hated it. Karkat wondered if he could scoot away discreetly, seeing as the new scent was already giving him a headache. Terezi sighed suddenly, dragging her shoulders up in a big affair, and then letting them droop. 

She looked toward Karkat, a somber look in her clear blue eyes. "I wish... I wish we were still close. It just ruined it, huh?" Karkat didn't respond and left her gaze. She continued anyway.

"I'm sure we would have been fine, but then I had to go and date Dave..." The girl trailed off, still looking at the other. "I'm really sorry about that. That was me being a selfish bitch... I probably should've asked before, huh? I just... I really, really, really liked him, Cherry Boy." She added the last part teasingly. Hearing her old pet name for Karkat only added a deeper pain in his chest. He grimaced, but quickly wiped it away. "I suppose I'm guilty of hurting you, but I didn't mean to! Third degree heartbreak, no intention or planning beforehand." Her eyes glimmered with tears, showing the stocky boy she really meant it. Guilt was stacked on top of his heart pains.

Terezi enveloped Karkat into another hug, reaching up to whisper "I want you back" into his ear.

His heart stopped, and pushed himself away to look at her. "R-really?"

"Really," she promised. "I've missed having my best friend at my side all the time. I miss being able to tell you everything. I missed... you. Plain and simple." She kissed him on the cheek.

Karkat realized that she did not mean she wanted to date, but rather she wanted his friendship back. Surprisingly, it felt better than anything else she could have offered. His cheek warmed from where she had kissed him, and all the sorrows were lifted. All of the awful feelings he had carried were gone, and he was able to sit straight, and breathe easily. He held Terezi in his arms tightly, his cheek resting on her soft hair. 

"I missed you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I begrudgingly accept that Daverezi happened now that it's not canon, but I also have and will always believe in Karezi and its fighting chance at becoming canon. (Please please please please)


End file.
